Back in the day, pre-actual life making decision era, I wanted to go into Art. Ever since I was little that was all I had ever wanted to do. It wasn't until I hit A-levels that I realised that really isn't a viable or practical option in this day and age. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not putting anyone down at all that does/did do/wants to do Art or anything similar at university or further etcetc, but for me I just didn't want the risk of it. I didn't want the instability of it and the unpredicatability. I needed to know exactly where I could go after unviersity career wise. I needed a pretty solid plan.
So my art dreams fell to the wayside and philosophy took over. Now, I do not regret anything at all (well some things but that's a very slippery and windey slope down). I'm happy with the position that I now find myself in. I always worked subjectively and mainly with self-portaiture. But it's hard. You're looking at yourself so much, and not just that but right into the details of yourself and it's
hard. It takes a massive toll on you emotionally and I had art classes where I just sat in front of my work and my teachers and literally
sobbed because I didn't think my work was good enough or that I was good enough.
Thus I had taken a very happy break from painting and extensive drawing. I needed the time and space from it. Then when I found out I had been accepted at UW-Madison and realised I could pretty much do what I want (don't take from this that doing a year abroad means you can do that, this is just my personal circumstances), I realised I could do art! I could take a painting course and get back into it.
And to be honest, sitting in that first class, with 6 other Art majors who have been doing painting at university level for years and knew exactly what they were doing and the area and the environment, it was scary. It was really intimidating. I sat there squirming inside and felt as if I was drowning I was so overwhelmed. I had come from getting an A at A level to then not doing anything in over 2 years to doing a degree level painting class. The temptation to just go home and drop it was high.
But, I went and bought supplies. I got a sketchbook, three of my favourite pencil types (yes, that is a thing. Holla for 9B!) And I started sketching. And it all came back to me. And it felt
so good.
Starting actually painting again was amazing. I'm not really sure how to describe it. I wanna say it was like riding a bike; you never forget. But it wasn't quite like that.
I'm really excited with where this is all going, even if it is only for four months, but I'm doing some exciting things with my work. Especially now that I have a blog and a youtube, I want to involve them. Or to get them involved with my work; thus I am working on some things that I'm finding pretty exciting at the moment. I can't wait to show you guys! That's why for now I thought I would just show some of the starting points of my work. I don't want to go into detail or depth here about what I'm doing to avoid this sounding like me being all
oooh look at me I'm an artist!, but I hope you appreciate this post and that maybe it will motivate you to get back into a passion of yours that you once loved!
xoxo
P.S: TLDR: I stopped painting two years ago. I have now started again. Basically. Enjoy :')
